Archive How to Deal With a Stubborn Child
Faraz Daneshgari

Faraz Daneshgari

Steering Strong Wills: Effective Techniques for Managing Stubbornness in Children

Faraz Daneshgari

Faraz Daneshgari

Table of contents:

    Parenting a stubborn child presents unique challenges that can test the patience of even the most understanding parents. Encountering such strong-willed behavior is a frequent challenge in the journey of child-rearing. This blog post aims to unpack the complexities of dealing with a stubborn child and to offer useful strategies to help you navigate this often tricky path.

    If you’re wondering how to deal with a stubborn child, you’re not alone. This experience is a standard part of child development, and many parents face similar struggles. Here, we’ll explore effective methods and insights to manage stubborn behavior, aiming to transform challenges into opportunities for growth and connection.


    Understanding Stubbornness in Children

    Let’s delve into what stubbornness means in children and examples of stubborn behavior, why it surfaces, and how it differs from being merely strong-willed.


    What Makes a Child Stubborn?

    Stubbornness in children is often viewed as a personality trait characterized by a persistent refusal to change their opinions or actions despite attempts to persuade otherwise. Stubborn kids may frequently engage in power struggles, for instance, resisting when told it’s time to buckle up in the car seat. This defiance is not just about the car seat—it symbolizes their broader reluctance to be guided or corrected.


    The Psychology Behind the Stubbornness

    Psychologically, stubbornness arises when children feel a need to assert independence and control over their environment. This behavior is especially prevalent among those who display examples of passive-aggressive behaviors in kids, such as deliberately slow responses to requests or avoiding direct confrontation, yet still resisting authority in subtle ways.


    Strong-Willed vs. Stubborn

    It’s crucial to distinguish between strong-willed and stubborn behaviors. While both involve a degree of determination, strong-willed children are typically motivated by a deep-seated conviction and are often open to dialogue and reason. In contrast, stubbornness may reject compromise altogether, leading to ongoing conflicts and frustration.


    Common Triggers of Stubborn Behavior

    Let’s explore what typically sparks stubborn behavior in children, from daily interactions to more complex emotional responses.


    Situational Sparks

    Stubborn behavior in children often emerges from specific situations or environments that challenge their sense of control or comfort. For example, a strong-willed child might exhibit stubbornness when asked to participate in an activity that conflicts with their strong opinions or desires. Understanding these triggers is crucial for managing reactions in the long term.


    The Role of School Stress

    The impact of mental health in schools cannot be understated when discussing behavioral issues like stubbornness. High levels of academic and social pressure can make a child feel overwhelmed or defensive, leading them to dig in their heels as a form of coping with stress.


    Fatigue and Friendships

    Tiredness and peer dynamics also play significant roles in influencing a child’s behavior. A tired child is more likely to resist instructions or engage in power struggles. Similarly, interactions with peers that go poorly can exacerbate stubborn behavior as children might cling to their views more tightly to assert themselves.


    Effective Communication Strategies

    Let’s explore how the right communication techniques can significantly improve interactions with a strong-willed or stubborn child.


    A mother trying to effectively communicate with her toddler.


    Importance of Open and Empathetic Communication

    When communicating with children, especially those who are strong-willed or stubborn, it is crucial to employ open and empathetic communication. This involves understanding and acknowledging your child’s feelings and viewpoints without judgment, making them feel heard and valued. According to Quenza, using simple, clear language and breaking down information into manageable parts can make your communication more effective, promoting better understanding on both sides.


    Techniques for Active Listening

    Active listening is fundamental in dealing with a stubborn child. This means genuinely paying attention to what the child says without planning your next response. Reflecting their feelings back to them is a key strategy. For example, saying “It seems like you are upset,” helps children identify and cope with their emotions. This approach not only acknowledges their feelings but also helps them feel safer in expressing themselves.


    Expressing Thoughts and Feelings

    When expressing your own thoughts and feelings to your child, it’s essential to maintain calm and avoid escalating the situation. Techniques such as using “I” statements can help you convey your feelings without making the child feel blamed. For instance, saying “I feel worried when you don’t listen to me” instead of “You never listen” can prevent defensiveness and keep the lines of communication open.

    By integrating these strategies into your daily interactions, you can enhance your ability to handle discussions with strong-willed children effectively, reducing the frequency and intensity of power struggles. This approach not only addresses how to handle a stubborn child but also fosters a respectful and cooperative relationship long term.


    Setting Boundaries and Consistency

    Clear and consistent boundaries are essential in managing stubborn behavior in children. Establishing these limits helps children understand what is expected of them and the consequences of their actions. This consistency not only aids in reducing behavioral issues but also promotes positive outcomes by creating a predictable environment.

    When setting rules, it’s important they are fair and easily understandable for the child. This means explaining the reasons behind the rules and ensuring they are age-appropriate. A rule that is clear and rational increases the likelihood of the child respecting and following it, thus fostering good behavior.

    Effective consequence management involves ensuring that the consequences for not following the rules are logical and related to the behavior. This approach helps reinforce the learning of appropriate behaviors without the need for harsh punishments. Being a role model in how you enforce these consequences also teaches your child about fairness and responsibility.


    Positive Reinforcement Techniques

    Positive reinforcement is a strategy used to encourage desirable behavior by offering rewards following those behaviors. This technique is effective because it builds on natural desires to repeat actions that lead to positive outcomes. It’s especially useful in dealing with a stubborn toddler, as it focuses on what they do right rather than wrong.

    For a stubborn toddler, positive reinforcement can be as simple as praising them for taking a deep breath instead of having a tantrum or rewarding them with extra playtime for sharing toys with friends. These rewards immediately follow the desired behavior, making the connection clear and strengthening the likelihood of repetition.

    While commonly used with young children, positive reinforcement is effective with stubborn people of all ages. Acknowledging and rewarding efforts to change can motivate even the most resistant individuals. This method not only promotes good behavior but also helps in building a positive and supportive relationship.


    When to Seek Professional Help

    When the behavior of a stubborn child becomes pervasive and significantly disrupts daily functioning, it may be indicative of deeper mental health issues. If your efforts to parent a stubborn, closed-minded child consistently fail or the child shows signs of distress beyond typical scenarios, it’s important to consider underlying causes that might require professional intervention.

    Seeking help from an educational psychologist or a child behavioral specialist is advisable when you observe persistent defiance or distress that affects your child’s social interactions or learning. Professionals can provide assessments and tailored interventions that address both behavioral patterns and emotional needs, offering guidance and support to improve the child’s overall well-being.


    A mother seeking professional help to deal with her stubborn girl.


    Take Control With Safes

    Managing a stubborn child’s online activities can be challenging, but with Safes parental control app, you gain a supportive tool that integrates seamlessly into your family’s digital life. Compared to Windows parental control, Safes offers more robust parental controls, allowing you to monitor and manage what’s important. Visit our website for more information and to start your free trial. Download now for iOS and Android and take the first step towards smarter, safer digital parenting.



    We’ve explored various strategies to manage a stubborn child, from understanding the triggers of stubborn behavior to employing positive reinforcement techniques. These approaches emphasize the importance of empathy, clear communication, and consistency in setting boundaries and expectations.

    As you implement these strategies, remember the value of patience and persistence. Stubbornness can be challenging, but with steady and loving guidance, you can foster a healthier relationship while effectively addressing behavioral challenges. Keep in mind that every small step forward is progress in building a supportive and understanding family dynamic.

    Faraz Daneshgari

    Faraz Daneshgari

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    Download Safes Kids for Chrombook

    1. Install the Safes Kids app on your Chromebook from Google Play. 
    2. Pair Safes Kids with parent app. Follow the instructions in the app to pair your child’s device with your parent device.  
    3. Add the Safe Kids Chrome extension. Open Chrome and go to the Chrome Web Store. 
    4. Navigate to the Manage extensions page. Click the three dots in the top right corner of Chrome and select “Extensions”>”Manage Extensions”>”Details”
    5. Turn on “Allow in incognito mode” This will allow the Safe Kids extension to work in incognito mode, which is important if your child uses incognito mode to try to bypass the parental controls.
    6. Select Safes extension and follow on-screen instruction

    Download Safes Kids for Android

    Download the Android Kid’s app directly to get the full features!

    Download Safes Kids App on Play Store

    Download Safes Kids App on Play Store

    Safe Kids is available on the Google Play Store, but if you download it directly from our website, you will get access to Call and SMS monitoring feature, You can monitor the phone calls of your child’s device, as well as the contacts and messages they have sent and received, including those containing inappropriate content.